July - all about acceptance

Nearly a full household today. We viewed three videos all with different teaching one overcoming depression another questioning reality and one all about the yoga kundalini.

 The all liked the kundalini video and how to raise the power but not the American depression one as they thought it was faked. And they said why worry if this is a computer game it is the only one.

The following I copied from the internet on acceptance. There is a depth not obvious to acceptance where there is only acceptance and no one accepting.

There is a movement in psychology, positive psychology more accurately, toward radical acceptance, focusing on gratitude, and resonating with the positive. And with good reason: it works. People are improving their quality of life as a result of these techniques. It begins with acceptance, which probably isn’t what you think.

New theories of therapy have been developed with acceptance as the main focus. An example of this is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or Training, (instead of therapy, to avoid the stigma). ACT helps train mindfulness: an awareness of the present moment without judgement. The individual is then better able to tolerate negative thoughts and feelings (although the judgement “negative” is removed in mindfulness). Finally, the individual behaves according to his/her values. This type of intervention has been empirically tested for depression, certain anxiety disorders including OCD, in coping with delusions and hallucinations in those that have psychotic disorders, and with those looking to handle work day stress more effectively (SAMHSA).
Acceptance has been a key to happiness since Buddhism was born. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism (of The Four Noble Truths) is that “desire (or craving) is the root of all suffering”. This is interpreted as wanting reality to be anything but what it is; in other words, a lack of acceptance.
Acceptance has been a cornerstone of the 12 Step treatment for alcoholism since the first “Alcoholics Anonymous” book was written in 1939. Doctor Paul Ohliger wrote a passage on how acceptance leads to being happier and sober. By the third edition the passage was famously known in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as page 449. In only my second post for Psychology Today I discuss its benefit for everyone.
Often when I discuss acceptance with students or clients, a common argument is put forth: “Acceptance is no good. It is passive and accepting things as they are is giving up. It is resignation to something unpalatable.” But that is not the real meaning of acceptance. There is no better explanation than Jon Kabat-Zinn’s in, “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”: “Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is- especially when you don’t like it-and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.” In other words, desiring the world to be something it is not at the moment is stopped and ruminating thoughts about how things “should be” are put aside. Then change what can be changed. Acceptance helps reduce what people experience as negative. That is only half of the solution to improving one’s quality of life, however. It has been purported that it takes five positive experiences to counter one negative or, more generally, your brain responds to positive events like Teflon and to negative ones like Velcro . So, the new goal is to allow the positive to resonate, to be prolonged, not in a desperate grasping fashion, but instead through mindfulness and allowing it to permeate one’s attention. This helps counter the balance, and swing experience to the positive.
People often do not notice how much positive is in their lives. As such, a movement in the psychology of happiness is to look for what one is grateful for. (finding three different things daily you are grateful for). In “The Mindful Way Through Depression” a suggestion is made to note things you enjoy while going through your day. David Steindl-Rast suggests we simply need to stop, look, and then go in order to see all of what we have been missing that we have to be grateful for. This all relates to slowing down and resonating with enjoyable moments, rather than running from one thing to the next
For some, the word grateful might be off-putting. I actually prefer the word appreciate. It is easily substituted. For a minute think about what you appreciate. Slow your life down, and appreciate all that you have. Even in the worst scenarios there can be appreciation. A shower. A sunset. The taste of your favorite food. Good conversation. Love of family. That feeling when you first lay down in bed after an exhausting day. The list is inexhaustible. But, as David Steindl-Rast among others purport, we simply do not slow down enough to appreciate. We are running from our problems, and running from ourselves. That is not working. Studies show slowing down, being mindful, and experiencing and expressing appreciation will work. By doing it and focusing on it, neuroscience demonstrates new neural connections are made and strengthened. This makes it more likely to occur in the future. As neuropsychologists are fond of saying, “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. Over time, you’ll find yourself happier, calmer, and experiencing more joy. It’s science

Another benefit is that you typically spend less time thinking about the situation, she said. And when you do think about it, “it triggers less emotional pain for you. People often describe a feeling of being ‘lighter,’ ‘relief,’ ‘like a weight has been lifted.’”

With acceptance, your suffering dissipates, she said. The pain doesn’t disappear (though it might over time). But because you aren’t suffering, the pain becomes more bearable, she said.

Practicing radical acceptance can be accepting that it’s raining on the day you planned to visit the beach. And it can be accepting your partner for who they are right now. Van Dijk also presents radical acceptance as an alternative to forgiveness. Because, unlike forgiveness, radical acceptance has nothing to do with the other person. It’s completely about reducing your personal pain, she said. She’s helped clients with all kinds of experiences practice acceptance.

Radical acceptance takes lots of practice. And understandably, it might feel strange and hard. But remember that radical acceptance is about acknowledging reality – not liking it or contesting it. Once you acknowledge what’s really happening, you can change it or start to heal. Radical acceptance has nothing to do with being passive or giving up. To the contrary, it’s about channelling your energy into moving on.

Page 449

...When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. From that moment on, I have not had a single compulsion to drink.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until Icould accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes....